So you have decided to embark on a career of Politics, are you nuts or what ? " Most institutions recommend starting with a Law Degree if you want to be a politician. This is not so that you will know how to uphold the law, and maintain it's integrity for maximum service to the people you represent. It is so that you will know exactly how far you can stretch and bend the law for your own maximum personal benefit.
At U of Milo, we realize that the most important thing in politics is to be able to B.S. like a master. Therefore before you can complete your Political Science Degree your must first complete your B.S. Degree ! After you have your B.S. Degree, you will then be able to move on to your M.S.C. ( More of the Same Crap ) and your P.H.D. ( Piled Higher and Deeper ) and each of those Degrees will take you one step closer to being a world Class Politician ( Can Class & Politician be used in the same sentence ? ). Please do not be discouraged by this, each step is very important to your success. And remember at U of Milo you can have as many friends help you with the lessons as you want. And you don't have to read any of the lessons to complete the quizzes. You can just do the quizzes and send them off then read the funny stuff later if you want. After all, it's all a bunch if B.S. !
Once you have completed your B.S. Degree, and decide that you do want to specialize in politics, we do have some very important political topics to educate you on in the area of Politics.
Here are some samples of what you will cover in the U of Milo Political Science Program.
ETHICS, this is an area of much difficulty for any natural politicians. We expect that most U of Milo students will have to concentrate in this area more than any other. Our Course is designed to lower your ethical standards so that you can match the self serving designs of any political opponent. Even a President or Prime Minister ! Now someone who already has political experience will likely breeze through this Lesson.
ACCOUNTABILITY, is a Lesson designed to teach you how to take credit for good ideas that other people have thought up ( for you, other people are always there to give you good ideas ). And to blame other people for the not-so-good ideas or actions that you did yourself.
SPEECH & DIALOGE writing. We will teach you some very important words and phrases. You will learn how to say things like "I did not inhale" or "A proof is a proof" and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" as well as "My boat company only got $137,000 in government grants" . These are just a few of the very powerful phrases you will learn to say and keep a straight face while you are saying them.
CAMPAIGN PROMISES In this lesson we will teach you how to figure out what it is the voters really want and then promise it to them. However, this is where many politicians have failed in the past. They can make the promises very easily and often when they are campaigning, but then they just brush them off after they are elected and don't worry about breaking the promises. At U of Milo we think this is a very important area, so we plan to teach you advanced campaigning. We will show you how to promise, then break the promise in a way that convinces the people it was best for them. This is very important for future campaigns.
ELECTIONS ( Or in the Orient ERECTIONS ) Both are very important, especially on a day where the nation is participating in a national one. Although these 2 words are pronounced differently and can be interpreted differently, they can also be confused and often refer to the same result. For example it is often the people who are the most hard-up that end up feeling like they were screwed.
LAW MAKING & CHANGING This lesson will do in depth into teaching you and your friends how to change the rules to suit your own personal desires and future wants. We will teach you lot's of big meaningless words that will confuse people and make them think they are hearing you tell them you have done something good for them, when it is actually them who has done something nice for you.
FINANCE Because it's really all about who has the money, and who gets to spend it on the things they want to buy, it is crucial to take this lesson. We will teach you things like Palm Greasing, Tax Sheltering for family & friends, Re-allocating funds, Mega-defecit spending, and the most fun one of all Taxation Camouflage.
So there's a bit of a sampler of our Political science Degree, all you have to do now is click on the link to the B.S. application form and you will be well on your way to a career in politics.
HOW DO YOU SIGN UP TO STUDY IN OUR PRESTIGOUS INSTITUTION? You can enroll Yourself, Your Friend, Your Pet, that stranger that could use a post secondary education or maybe a relative that you just can't decide what to get them for Christmas. ( Because they have almost everything, I'll bet they don't have a Space shuttle pilots license, or a diploma to practice medicine on themselves in the comfort of their own home ).
Here's a few details… The easiest way is to sign up on-line, just go to the Apply button and follow the instructions ( or not if that suits you better ). Or you can print off the application form & fill it our and either mail or fax it back to us. If you lost it, or it lost you, or your dog ate it, just contact us and we will help you get a new one ( dog that is ).
Along with your application you must fill out a short entrance exam. This entrance exam is our means of determining if you need to take upgrading or not before we send you your first correspondence lessons. Don't let the upgrading scare you away, our means of determining which students require upgrading is the same as any other University. We put everyone's applications into a hat & draw out 10%. These people have to take upgrading. If you wish to take upgrading regardless of whether or not you are required to, just say so on your application, and we will let you.
When filling out your U of Milo application, if you spell your name correctly (and pay the tuition ) you will be accepted. If you don't spell your name correctly but still pay the tuition, you will still be accepted, but we will need to work on that name thing. Really, how in the Hell are we supposed to know if you are not spelling your name correctly. And if this is a big problem for you maybe you should change it to a number or something. It is unfortunate that we have to charge a tuition fee, but due to the fact that we are privately unfunded and have not yet been able to convince the government to subsidize our B.S. Organization ( although they have a reputation of doing this sort of thing in the past ) we have to charge you to keep the lights on in the tractor cab & buy beer and fuel for the Space Shuttle. We tried making our own ( fuel and beer ) but we got tired of rebuilding our lab after the U of M chemists would drink the beer & then screw up the recipe of the rocket fuel.
We enjoy reading your B.S. answers as much as you will enjoy our B.S. lessons & projects. You will need to pay for your lessons in advance. This way we will have enough money to send them to you. Don't send cash in the mail ( it tends to get lost longer than the regular mail ). We accept all major credit cards & money orders.
If you are having trouble financing your U of Milo education please check the appropriate area on your application and we will send you a student loan application. We won't give you a loan, we'll just send you the application ( that is unless you are really convincing ).
What Do I Get When I Join U of Milo?
Probably a stomach ulcer from laughing too much. We have no medical plan for our students, so please laugh carefully. Though we are planning to give detailed exposure to such an ailment in our Home Medical Journal, because so many U of M students suffer from excessive laughing!
You will receive your very own U of Milo student I.D. Card. It will give you access all fast food resteraunts in the world, all Hotels & all car rental agencies ( If you are willing to pay the regular prices ).
You will receive you first copy of "The Bullsheet" , our quarterly published newsletter. It will keep you up to date on all the U of Milo school activities, news, gossip and many hilarious submissions sent In by our student population.
Each Correspondence course we offer has it's own fee structure, depending on how much stuff we have to send to you and how often we have to get off the couch to send it to you. You will be required to answer questions at the end of your lessons. ( you don't have to read the lessons if you don't want to ) and return them to us for marking. When we send you your next lesson, we will send you an answer key to the last one. You may be saying to yourself "Self, self! HEY SELF!, listen to me when I am talking to you…how can they determine correct answers to such silly questions?" Well that's a very good question, thanks for asking. We just use the most amusing answers sent in by you and your fellow students to make up the answer key. This way we can all share the hilarity.
When you have completed all the lessons in your course we will send you a final exam. You will pass, and then we will send you a certificate indicating that you have earned your B.S. Degree or Space Cadets Licence, or Home Medical Licence, etc. from U of M. With your B.S. Degree for example, you will be qualified to B.S. anyone, therefore you could enjoy a long fulfilling career in Politics. If some of our questions seem to be difficult, feel free to invite as many friends to help you with your education as you feel necessary. After all, it is easier to B.S. in a group.
