U of Milo – Milo News Network

Milo area Duck Hunter Travis D encountered problems recently when approaching the water in his Big Red Duck blind! He was quoted as saying, “I knew I was in trouble when the dripping wet ducks were flying up in front of me and I was still in High gear moving towards them.” This is one COMBINED sport that we at U of Milo think maybe Travis should reconsider.

Last night in the first game of the 2011-12 U of Milo Hockey season, the U of Milo team enjoyed a decisive 4 – 0 victory over U of Fairbanks, Alaska. However the F U coaches immediately filed a formal protest with the league commissioner, as they felt it was unfair that U of Milo had Super Heros in Training (S.H.I.T.) on their team. The league is investigating the accusations and a ruling will be determined soon. It is unlikely that the score will be overturned an there is nothing written in the league rules that say Super heroes in Training are ineligible to participate in the league.

The U of Milo coaches would not release the names of the players in question in order to protect their secret identities, however they did state that the team had played by the rules and that the claims were rather rediculuos as these are only students that are studying to be super heroes and not graduates that are full fledged super heroes. An unnamed source close to the team has further validified the rediculious nature of the complaint by revealing the powers of the 4 students in question.

One is currently able to shoot soft spaghetti from his nostrils, another can see through empty beer bottles, the third is able to leap over kittens and puppies, while the 4th can breathe fire long enough to light up and destroy a tissue. There is a reason why they are in school to build on these skills as they are no where near ready for crime fighting yet. We are confident that once the league realizes that the skills were not used over power the opposition, the claim will be dismissed.

The team manager commented, “It’s not like we had 3rd year student Overpowering Armpit gas B.O. Boy in the line-up skating around with his arms in the air or something like that! We tried to get him to sign up for the team, but he was already on the U of Milo basketball team. I hear he’s got a killer jump shot.”

We will keep you informed on any further details as this story unfolds.