HOW DO YOU SIGN UP TO STUDY IN OUR PRESTIGOUS INSTITUTION? You can enroll Yourself, Your Friend, Your Pet, that stranger that could use a post secondary education or maybe a relative that you just can't decide what to get them for Christmas. ( Because they have almost everything, I'll bet they don't have a Space shuttle pilots license, or a diploma to practice medicine on themselves in the comfort of their own home ).
Here's a few details… The easiest way is to sign up on-line, just go to the Apply button and follow the instructions ( or not if that suits you better ). Or you can print off the application form & fill it our and either mail or fax it back to us. If you lost it, or it lost you, or your dog ate it, just contact us and we will help you get a new one ( dog that is ).
Along with your application you must fill out a short entrance exam. This entrance exam is our means of determining if you need to take upgrading or not before we send you your first correspondence lessons. Don't let the upgrading scare you away, our means of determining which students require upgrading is the same as any other University. We put everyone's applications into a hat & draw out 10%. These people have to take upgrading. If you wish to take upgrading regardless of whether or not you are required to, just say so on your application, and we will let you.
When filling out your U of Milo application, if you spell your name correctly (and pay the tuition ) you will be accepted. If you don't spell your name correctly but still pay the tuition, you will still be accepted, but we will need to work on that name thing. Really, how in the Hell are we supposed to know if you are not spelling your name correctly. And if this is a big problem for you maybe you should change it to a number or something. It is unfortunate that we have to charge a tuition fee, but due to the fact that we are privately unfunded and have not yet been able to convince the government to subsidize our B.S. Organization ( although they have a reputation of doing this sort of thing in the past ) we have to charge you to keep the lights on in the tractor cab & buy beer and fuel for the Space Shuttle. We tried making our own ( fuel and beer ) but we got tired of rebuilding our lab after the U of M chemists would drink the beer & then screw up the recipe of the rocket fuel.
We enjoy reading your B.S. answers as much as you will enjoy our B.S. lessons & projects. You will need to pay for your lessons in advance. This way we will have enough money to send them to you. Don't send cash in the mail ( it tends to get lost longer than the regular mail ). We accept all major credit cards & money orders.
If you are having trouble financing your U of Milo education please check the appropriate area on your application and we will send you a student loan application. We won't give you a loan, we'll just send you the application ( that is unless you are really convincing ).
What Do I Get When I Join U of Milo?
Probably a stomach ulcer from laughing too much. We have no medical plan for our students, so please laugh carefully. Though we are planning to give detailed exposure to such an ailment in our Home Medical Journal, because so many U of M students suffer from excessive laughing !
You will receive your very own U of Milo student I.D. Card. It will give you access all fast food resteraunts in the world, all Hotels & all car rental agencies ( If you are willing to pay the regular prices ).
You will receive you first copy of "The Bullsheet" , our quarterly published newsletter. It will keep you up to date on all the U of Milo school activities, news, gossip and many hilarious submissions sent In by our student population.
Each Correspondence course we offer has it's own fee structure, depending on how much stuff we have to send to you and how often we have to get off the couch to send it to you. You will be required to answer questions at the end of your lessons. ( you don't have to read the lessons if you don't want to ) and return them to us for marking. When we send you your next lesson, we will send you an answer key to the last one. You may be saying to yourself "Self, self! HEY SELF!, listen to me when I am talking to you…how can they determine correct answers to such silly questions?" Well that's a very good question, thanks for asking. We just use the most amusing answers sent in by you and your fellow students to make up the answer key. This way we can all share the hilarity.
When you have completed all the lessons in your course we will send you a final exam. You will pass, and then we will send you a certificate indicating that you have earned your B.S. Degree or Space Cadets Licence, or Home Medical Licence, etc. from U of M. With your B.S. Degree for example, you will be qualified to B.S. anyone, therefore you could enjoy a long fulfilling career in Politics. If some of our questions seem to be difficult, feel free to invite as many friends to help you with your education as you feel necessary. After all, it is easier to B.S. in a group.
